Hate.

I am mentally drained.

Potty training sucks.  And latex gloves are my best friend.  But Lexi is getting it...it's just taking forever.

DH started the 30 Day Shred again yesterday.  He told me last night he forgot how hard it kicks his a**.  Lol.

Aspergers.  I hate it.  I hate the overwhelming, yet lacking, amount of information that is (or isn't) out there.  I hate that, being the mom, I'm the one responsible for finding solutions.  (Not that DH isn't involved...he's more of the "tell me what I can/need to do" kind of guy.  Yeah, I think we need to work on that.)  I hate reading "symptoms" and thinking, "But she does the opposite!".  I hate strongly dislike her clingy friends who think Tay should be there to help them with their teeny tiny problems when she is struggling herself.  Most of all, I hate seeing it.  Tay will post a simple and sometimes funny status update on FB and it NEVER fails, one particularly clingy friend will post, "R u there?", meaning she wants to chat.  And she'll keep posting it.  Or this friend will criticize herself on Tay's status comments.  She's looking for attention.  I feel sorry for her, I really do.  I know that she is lonely, but I also know she has issues her mom (dad is MIA) needs to address.  We had an incident over the summer that resulted in DH and I calling 911 over this friend.  She was looking for Tay and we think she faked an attack.  We called 911 to be on the safe side.  She has issues and it's driving me 10 different kids of crazy that she clings to Tay all.the.time looking for her counsel.  Not friendship.  Attention, advice, adoration, etc.  She can be very draining and short of advising Tay to lengthen the cord a bit, there isn't much I can do about it.  The school is aware of the situation, especially the teachers that work with Tay on her social skills.  She's drawn to the one who need love, help, etc.  Then they suck her dry.  Ugh.

My treadmill misses me I'm sure.

That sounds so bad, like I've been sitting on my butt all.the.live.long.day and not doing a thing, lol.  In reality I have been doing a lot!  It's just not standard workout material. 

At the beginning of the summer, I had 3 big goals:

• Build a patio below our deck
• Clean out our little shed and put shelves in to organize things
• Empty our sandbox, lay down landscape fabric (to stop weeds), refill with sand (and more sand!).

I am very happy to say that all 3 of those things actually happened!  The only one that is totally complete is the sandbox.  The shed is cleaned out with shelves in it and we can get our bikes in and out without a hassle, whoo-hoo! We still need to get rid of the broken junk that had gotten tossed in there though.  Right now it's in an unattractive pile in front of the shed. 

As for that patio....what a pain!  I wanted a larger entertaining area to place our portable fire pit and our deck was getting crowded with a swing, grill, kids picnic table, water/sand table and our table and chairs on top of that firepit.  All summer it kept getting delayed and last Friday I up and decided to get going on it.  By Monday night everything had been dug, the landscaping fabric had been laid, the sand had been spread/leveled and the block had been laid.  Now we just need some more sand to fill the cracks, dirt packed around the edge, and general cleanup around the deck area.  Another big bonus is that I finally found a new swing for our swing frame!  Our cats destroyed our previous swing by shredding the cushioned seats and it's been 2 years since we've been able to use it.  The new swing arrived this morning, I assembled it and it's up:)

So, lots and lots of activity (and blisters!).  My treadmill will see me again...just after the yardwork is done:) 

And then you blink!

I knew that it had been a while, but geez.  February?  Sad thing is, I'm on the computer.  A lot.  Wouldn't kill me to swing by once in a while:)  

So.  No longer doing the Shred.  I have moved on..literally.   Back in January I had gotten clearance from my doctor to give the world of running a try.  Problem is, in Minnesota a nice day for a run is a toss-up.  Plus, it's too easy to say "It's hot out".  Or my most often used excuse, "I can't leave the kids".  Which is true.  When Tay is gone, I don't have anyone to watch the wee ones.  So I'd occasionally run up and down our driveway for 30 minutes.  Then....we got a treadmill.

Now most husbands do the whole "Oh hell no!" when they wife requests a treadmill.  They figure they are walking into a trap.  They surprise the wife with a treadmill, she thinks he's calling her fat, and he winds up on the couch.  I assured my husband that wouldn't happen.  We wound up winning one on a local on-line auction site.  My mom and I drove the couple hours to pick it up and since then (July 16th), I have no more excuses.  Whether it's a quick run for some speed or a lengthy run to clear my head, I get something done on there.  And I like it:)

Dear brownies, you suck.

Just sayin'.  But it's okay now, they're gone.  And they were also made with applesauce instead of vegetable oil...still good, but...weird.  Apple brownies.  I have used applesauce and Diet Coke to replace the vegetable oil in cakes before so we tried it with brownies.  Yep.  Just weird.  I also used them for inspiration on the past few days of the Shred.  When I am doing my oblique twists I imagine I am kneeing/pushing the brownies away.  The things a girl will do to push through the last few moves, lol.

Anyway today was Level 2, Day 7.  Gotta say, I'm looking forward to Level 3.  It has GOT to be the one that I remember was a little "easier".

Today was just tough overall.  I slept like crap last night.  A whopping 3 hours!  I figured that I'd get another precious hour after Tay went off to school...yeah right.  Life is what happens when you're making other plans, right?  Cole was up a full *2* hours before he usually is.  That would be fine except....he woke Lexi up as well. :::sigh:::  Both of them ran around like crazy hyped up puppies before Cole screeched to a stop and said, "We should still be sleeping!".  Pardon my french, but no sh*t Sherlock.  I briefly considered skipping my workout today, but figured it may be the jolt of energy I needed.  Well, it got me through lunch, lol.

Being wrong...

sucks.

Level 2 isn't easier.  It kicked my a**.  Holy cardio. Jillian talked about gargling my heart and wanting to die.  Yeah, I felt both of those, lol.  The upside is that I felt it afterward, meaning I was working different muscles.  Feeling it like that makes me feel like I'm making progress.  Measurement and scale wise, nothing much has changed, but it has only been 10 days.  I'll keep chugging along and if after 30 days there is no change, then I'll whine a bit, lol.

Speaking of change, today I woke up at 7am to get Tay going for school....and I stayed up.  I think it helps that it is no longer dark, the sun is up and it looks like daylight.  I want to stay up, move around, start my day.  I won't lie, it is still tempting to crawl back into my warm bed for another hour, especially when DH is still in there (winter hours for him).  But it was nice to stay up, work out, shower and be ready for the day, all by 9am.  Someone else thought that too...

It's 7:15am, I'm dress to kick my own a**, and what do I hear over the monitor?  Lexi whimpering about something, not sure what.  I open her door and she hops out of bed, all ready to start her day, lol.  A full 1-2 hours earlier than usual.  I gave her a sippy, settled her with some Arthur and went to work out.  She joined me later, trying to follow along and all.  It's hard to breathe during your work out when you're giggling so hard;)

Level 2, here I come.

Today was Level 1, Day 10.  Today was also the day I discovered that DH bought my *favorite* Easter candy: Cadbury chocolate mini eggs.  Damn.  I'm not sure if he was being sweet (he says he likes them too) or if it is sabotage, lol.  I won't lie, I had some.  A few really.  Um, handfuls.  But I'm done now and even made DH take the bag with him to watch his show on the computer downstairs.  "Finish the bag" is what I told him. 

Anyway, Level 1, Day 10.  Still breaking a sweat.  If I remember correctly, I believe Level 2 is easier.  Or maybe I just like those moves better. Who knows.  Either way, I have done this before and I will finish it again.  20 more days.  That's nothing:) 

In other areas of life, my house is a disaster.  Lexi's room is finished, except for a few touchups.  Painting textured walls s.u.c.k.s.  It looks good, then the paint dries and "stretches" so you see little patches of specks of white (or whatever color you painted over).  Ugh.  Pain in my a**.  I'm still waiting for my sconces and jewelry armoire to arrive, hopefully tomorrow.  I'm just ready to be done redoing rooms.

Mmmmm....cake:)

Yep, it's been one of those days.  A "bad" day.  Or I'm going to call it my one "super cheat day" because the list of what I ate today is NOT good, lol.  A lot of junk, just because it sounded good.  Oy.  And DH just made a german chocolate cake that I snuck a piece of before he frosts it.  Once that walnut and coconut frosting is on, I won't touch it as I don't like that kind of frosting.  Saved!:)

Why the "super cheat day"?  Well, we went to a local annual festival that is compared to a German mardi gras. We drank.  A lot.  And did I have any water in between those beers? Um...no.  I did drink a lot of water yesterday and today, but wow.  Today I have a case of the "Wow, I'm hungry and a salad won't cut it."  We stayed in a hotel last night, woke up and went to a restaurant for lunch (yes, I missed breakfast.  I don't do that.  I'm big on breakfast.) since we knew we wouldn't get out for dinner tonight with all the other couples celebrating Valentine's day.  Then I had a Hostess cupcake.  And a (small) bowl of ice cream.  A couple of Weight Watcher's snack cakes.  A tootsie roll pop.  And now some cake.  Yikes.  Oh well, day is done.  Tomorrow is a new one. 

And I did my 30 Day Shred as well.  I said I would do the workout 30 days in a row and I will stick to it!  Tomorrow is Day 8 and I can bet it will be an easier workout than today's was, lol.

Still kickin'.

I was going to update on day 3, but I after the kids went to bed I popped in a movie and folded my laundry (really the only way I can get through it...such a boring task!).  By the time I remembered, I had powered down the laptop already. 

Today was day 5 and while I'm still looking for my ambition, I am holding to my 30 day commitment.  I *will* finish this 30 days and in a row.  No skipping.  Anyway, so far so good.  The only thing I really hate at the beginning of working out is that the results don't happen overnight.  So it's hard to stay motivated when you don't see change right.now.

But, I'm still doing it.  I do the 30 Day Shred, some ab work some from cards I tore out of a magazine (roughly 5-6 minutes worth), and then I hop on the stationary bike for 20 minutes.  Every 5 minutes I up the intensity a quarter turn on the dial for 60 seconds.  They are small enough workouts where I'm not standing in the same spot forever.  Plus when I'm on the bike I can listen to my Ipod or watch some tv, it all depends on the time of day I work out.  I try and do it when one of my shows is on, then I feel like I'm multi-tasking, I get my workout in and entertain myself at the same time:)

Day 2.

I made it through day 2:)

It helped a lot that Tay had a snow day today.  She kept an eye on the little ones and I fit in my 20 minutes, some ab work, and 20 minutes on the stationary bike before lunch!  I used 5 pound weights yesterday because I figured, "It's 20 minutes, I should be able to handle the 5 pounders."  Eh.  Today for some of the moves I used the 5 pounds, some of them I used my 3 pound weights.  It may be 20 minutes, but there is *very* little rest in there.

I love when I can get my workout in early in the day.  It inspires me to see what else I can get done.  Today I washed the sheets on our bed, balanced the checkbook, ran some errands, and I'm on my first load of towels.  Now, I just need to quit ignoring the dishwasher....

Commitment.

Today was Day 1.

Day 1.  Level 1.

Back in July I needed a swift kick in the (workout) ass so I enlisted the help of Jillian Michaels and her 30 Day Shred.  I did it.  All 30 days with one "hiccup".  We went camping with DH's family from Thursday to Sunday so I had to skip Friday and Saturday (I walked around the campground and swam instead).  I did complete it though, just not entirely in a consecutive 30 day stretch:)  While I didn't lose a lot (1-2 pounds) that wasn't my goal.  My goal was to firm some areas and tone up.  Oh, and it was a springboard into working out again.  30 days is nothing without a challenge.  The 30DS is tough, and I welcomed the challenge.

Anyway, on my 3rd cookie (M&M....mmm....) today, I wondered whether I was going to go for the 4th or do something else about it.  The 30 Day Shred is 20 minutes.  You can't even excuse that away.  I have 20 minutes to plant my fields in Farmville but I can't fit in a workout?  BS.

So today was Day 1. 

Changes.

Do you know the best time to get an idea and run with it?  Well, it most definitely is not at 2am, lol.  At first I wanted to paint our room.  Then I imagined the decor that I'd put on the walls.  How I would rearrange the furniture.  What would stay, what would go.  How this would help with Lexi's room.  Yeah, I didn't get a lot of sleep!

Basically what we are doing is updating our room to a grown-up room.  No more white walls and necklaces dangling from a shelf.  No more cluttered dresser top.  I ordered a jewelry armoire to hide all the boxes and random hanging jewelry in our room.  I also moved the glider from Lexi's room to our room.  She needs the space and I want the comfy place to read, surf the web, etc.  Sometime soon we will paint our room a color called "sufficient" and to me it is.  It's a warm color that will make our bedroom seem cozy.  Sleep inducing.  Maybe-dare I say it-relaxing?

Lexi's room will be painted a shade of lavender.  We'll move her dresser and give her a little more room for larger toys that seem to overwhelm her room at the moment.  We'll also take the oppurtunity to finally change her crib into a toddler bed.  *sob* Oh well, change is good!

Holy funk.

This nasty depressing weather has GOT to go.  I need green grass and warm temps.  I need the sun to rise earlier in the morning so when I get up to get Tay going for school I can stay up and work out, read, chill, etc.  Anything that is just mine until the other two hellions rise for the day, lol.  For now as soon as she's on the bus, I'm back in bed. ::sigh::  I enjoy my sleep, it's the quietest time of the day.  No one asking for juice or yelling that someone touched/poked/looked at them. 

I worked out yesterday but I so didn't want to.   I'm in a vacation funk.  Everyone seems to be hopping on planes and heading to warmer locations for downtime.  I want some of that:(  We're taking the kids to Florida in late March but let's face it: that is NOT a vacation.  Driving our ancient motorhome 1500 miles only to wear ourselves out visiting Disney World, Sea World, Univeral Studios, etc. before we drive back home.  Fun? Sure.  Relaxing?  Oh hell no.  My mother-in-law and both of DH's sisters flew to Cozumel yesterday.  Granted these trips were part of gifts to us in place of physical gifts to open on the last 2 Christmases and birthdays.  DH's brother and his wife went to the Dominican Republic last week.  Now his mom and sisters are on their trip.  It was my understanding that we could do whatever we wanted for our trips and DH and his mom decided we'd do Florida.  Um...thanks?  I love my kids, but my word I need a break from them.  We take them camping during the summer.  We don't get out a whole lot on our own either.

In the last 5 years, DH and I haven't had a vacation that was just us with no household/parental/work responsibilities.  No picking up hauling/snow plowing equipment for our business.  No driving all day to stop at 10pm only to get up at 6am and start again.  I want a few days of just relaxing.  Sure, we can still have some activities in there, but on our own.  No wondering if the kids can do it too.  Meals where it's just us and no kids (at our table.  I'm cool with kids on vacation, just as long as I don't have to watch/discipline/clean them up;).  Just a few days.  A little recharging.  I need that.   

Anyway...about that working out.  I did my workout, but I didn't like it.  I was bummed everyone is going to warmer climates and I wanted to sulk.  I figured that a workout might do me some good.  Eh.  At least I did it.  I didn't today.  Today I got my hair trimmed and that made the day a little better.  Perhaps tomorrow will have a different attitude where I won't scowl at my stationary bike!

Helping Superman.

DS has an old Halloween costume in which he was Superman.  Funny kid still fits into it and some days he has the urge to be Superman so he throws it on and plays hero for the day, lol.  Well, the hero just needed to use the bathroom and needed his "uniform" tied in the back when he was done.  It's too small for him so it's funny to see the waistband of his Wall-E underwear sticking out over the opening in the back. 

All week I have worked out one way or another.  I have watched what I ate and with the exception of last night and today, I think I did pretty well.  I'm skipping working out today simple because I drank last night (little dehydration going on here) and I'm tired.  Soooo tired...

Last night I got together with two of my closest friends to have a "slumber" party.  Basically a mom's night where we didn't have to be moms!  No kids, no husbands. Just wine, snacks, movies, and good conversation.  We didn't crash until 3am so I think tonight is going to be an early one, lol.
 

Downtime.

That word can have many different meanings. 

• Last night's game.  It is a sad day to be a Vikings fan.  Bad calls, horrible decisions, and complete disbelief over the team that rocked it all year only to biff it so bad in the end.  Even if they had won, they would not have deserved it.  With that being said, I cannot fully express my disappointment over the lack of...well....fairness.  I know the refs are suppose to do their best to be their own brand of Switzerland, but no control over the ball + seeing it on the ground does not equal a complete catch in anyone's book.  When that type of call works in your team's favor, you can't help but feel a little guilt under your thrill, knowing that something wasn't right there.  When that type of call doesn't work in your team's favor, you can't help but feel helpless knowing that you were cheated and the chances of the other team confessing their error are zero. And for all the hype over Favre and his "skills", he threw the ball when a run (and the resulting field goal) would have worked and he forced overtime.  It was a sloppy game.
• I need to get back on the work out wagon.  Along with taking care of our home, children and all that goes with it, some days I feel like a hamster running on a wheel.  Too bad the scale isn't showing that;)  Every day it's a different excuse: it's too chilly downstairs, my workout area is a mess, I don't have time (that one is the biggest piece of BS of all).  It's just a couple of pounds, but I am approaching a number that I haven't seen in 6 months. A number that I wanted to be done with.  A number that I refuse to see on the scale again.
• With holidays and birthdays finally done, I need some downtime. To get things organized, finish some long ago started projects, and to not plan anything big for a while.